The April Fool
by hxchick
Summary: Dave makes it clear to Abby that he doesn't want to have to deal with any practical jokes on April Fool's Day. How does she react? Takes place in the 'Rossi Family' universe. OC. Written for the April Fool's Challenge at CCOAC.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is owned by CBS. I own nothing but my imagination.

The April Fool-Chapter 1

_*** * This story is part of the 'Rossi Family' universe and it takes place in the year between 'An Unconventional Family' and 'Happily Ever After?' * ***_

**~Okay, I have no business starting another story since I have a HUGE paper due on Friday and I'm leaving for vacation on Saturday, but I couldn't resist. The rest of this story is pretty much written, so there shouldn't be too long of a wait between chapters.**

**~This was written for the April Fool's challenge on the CCOAC forum.**

* * *

Looking back on it, David Rossi was able to pinpoint the exact time and place where everything went wrong. In retrospect, he knew he shouldn't have issued the ultimatum, he should have known Abby would take it as a challenge. Who knew that sitting in his kitchen, talking to his daughter and wife one evening would lead to such a horrible and stressful day?

_**March 26…**_

"I can't believe there's only a week left of March," JJ remarked as she, her husband and their teenage daughter ate supper.

"I know! It feels like we just got done with winter and now April is staring us in the eye," Abby agreed as she took a bite of her grilled chicken.

"Speaking of which," Dave said, setting down his fork and knife, "You two got me good last year with Abby's fake boyfriend, but don't expect me to fall for your April Fool's tricks _this _year."

"Us?" Abby asked innocently, "Why would you think we'd pull any pranks on you this year?"

He snorted, "Why _wouldn't_ I think that? Seriously though, I am NOT a fan of April Fool's day, so I expect there won't be shenanigans this year."

Abby, who wasn't a huge fan of the day herself, was just about to agree with her father, when he opened his mouth again. "Besides, many people have tried to get April Fool's tricks over on David Rossi, but few of them have succeeded. I _don't_ want to see you waste your time on things that won't work on me."

Maybe it was the condescending smile he wore, or his arrogant attitude, but suddenly Abby was filled with the desire to pull as many pranks on him as she could in the day and her mind frantically began thinking of the various practical jokes she could pull. On the outside, though, she looked calm and agreeable.

"Okay dad," she agreed. "I wouldn't want to waste my time." While it wasn't an outright promise to not do anything, her dad fell for her reassurance and went back to eating his dinner.

JJ, on the other hand, had known their daughter much longer than her husband had and she could see the mischievous glint in her eye. Also having heard her husband's arrogance, she didn't say anything and decided to let the scenario play out.

_**April 1…**_

Dave awoke from his pleasant slumber to a loud and ungodly noise. Sitting bolt upright in bed, he looked around for the source of the noise, or what his daughter would call 'music,' but couldn't find it. Glancing across the bed, he saw that his wife's clock read 630am and seeing that it was his normal time to get up, he assumed the commotion was coming from his clock radio, but he couldn't find it anywhere. After frantically searching the room for a minute, he found the item on the bookshelf across the room. Turning off the hip-hop station the alarm was set to, he unplugged the clock and set it down on his nightstand. 'Okay,' he thought, 'She got me…she got me good.' Wearing a small smile, he got up and headed for the bathroom, thinking the worst was over.

Once in the large master bathroom, he made his way to the toilet to take care of business. Still somewhat bleary eyed with sleep, he lifted the lid but not the seat, which drove his wife insane, and began to relieve himself. He quickly woke up when he saw that his aim wasn't exactly going into the bowl; instead, it was splashing all over the seat and the surrounding floor. Fully awake now and unable to stop mid-stream (who could so early in the morning?) he looked closer at the commode and saw that a layer of saran wrap had been laid across the bowl underneath the toilet seat. Finally able to stop the stream, he shook his head at falling for one of the oldest jokes in the book.

Grabbing a large amount of toilet paper, he sopped up the mess on and around the toilet, carefully removed the saran wrap and finished taking care of business. Once he was done, he moved to the bathroom sink to wash his hands, but as soon as he turned the faucet on, water sprayed everywhere. "What the fuck?" He yelled as he quickly turned the water off, but the damage had been done. Not only was there water all over the counter, but he was also fairly wet. Shaking his head, he examined the water spigot and found a piece of duct tape strategically covering the opening so that it would spray its unexpecting victim.

"Christ," he muttered as he removed the tape. Looking forward to a hot shower, he quickly stripped and made his way over to the large stall. As he waited for the water to heat up, he admitted to himself that he had to give Abby credit; the pranks had been mild and creative, yet he had fallen for them. He was fairly sure the prankster was his daughter, but since his he hadn't heard his wife yell out in displeasure when she used the bathroom earlier that morning, he couldn't rule her out as the culprit either.

He was hesitant as he stepped into the shower stall, but it seemed to be working fine and there was no dye in the showerhead, which was a prank he had pulled on is sisters many years ago. Seeing that everything seemed to be in working order, he fully stepped under the hot spray, pulled the door shut and let the water relax him. He stayed relaxed until he tried picking up his shampoo bottle. It was a regular sized bottle, unlike his wife's huge bottle which came with a nice pump, and he kept it at eye level on a tile shelf he'd had installed in the shower stall. When he went to pick it up, the damn thing wouldn't move. He tried again, putting all of his might behind it, but the bottle was stuck there. Finally, in desperation, he used his wife's girly smelling shampoo and felt like wuss the entire time.

After the shampoo bottle fiasco, which he now saw was caulked onto the shelf, Dave picked up his bar of Irish Spring soap and began rubbing it around on his washcloth, but the goddamn thing wouldn't work up a lather! Frowning, he rubbed the soap between his hands to see if that did anything, but it didn't. As he held the soap, he could tell that something was wrong with it…there was some kind of coating on it. Slamming it down on the ground (where he swore he heard it crack), he picked up his wife's flowery smelling shower gel and used that instead. He knew he would smell pretty for the entire day, but he had no other choice.

Once he was done with his shower from hell, he stepped out, wrapped a towel around his waist and began his morning routine. After towel drying his hair, he grabbed his razor (after checking it over first) and began to shave. Once he was finished with that, he trimmed his goatee and reached for his aftershave. He splashed some of the liquid onto his hands and began patting them onto his hands and neck. As he did so, the scent of his wife's perfume filled the air. Confused, he picked up the aftershave bottle and got a whiff of its contents.

"God dammit!" He swore; his daughter had filled his aftershave bottle with JJ's perfume and he had just put it all over himself. Now he really _would _smell like her all day since he didn't have time for another shower…not that he would be able to use his own toiletries even if he did! As pissed as he was, he had to admit that Abby had gotten creative in her pranks, but he needed to nip this in the bud before it went too far.

It took him longer to get dressed, as he insisted on inspecting every piece of clothing before he put it on, but he finally finished and made his way down to the first floor and into the large kitchen, where he found his daughter eating her diabetes inducing cereal and reading the newspaper, all the while trying to keep an innocent look on her face.

"Morning dad," she said, not looking up at him. He wasn't sure if it was because he would figure out she was the one behind all of the practical jokes, or if it was because she was afraid she would burst into giggles.

"Morning Abby," he replied and watched her while she ate. She quickly finished her cereal, got up and put the bowl in the sink and then picked up her book bag.

"You're leaving awfully early," he remarked dryly as he watched her try to avoid his eye.

"Yeah, I have to work on a couple of things before school. I think mom left already," she said, looking at the table.

Dave nodded, "She had an early press conference this morning and she wanted to get to the BAU to go over the case beforehand."

"Okay, well I should be home at my normal time tonight," she said nonchalantly and then headed for the front door. She took exactly one step before her father's voice stopped her.

"It ends now, Abby," he said firmly.

She turned to face him, "What are you talking about?" She asked, trying to sound innocent.

"The practical jokes," he told her in a warning tone. "You got me good this morning, but I don't want to have to be constantly looking over my shoulder today, so the pranks end now. Capicse?"

Abby nodded agreeably, "Sure dad, whatever you say; the jokes end now."

He almost believed her, but this time _he_ caught the maniacal glint in her eye and he knew the day of pranks had just started.

* * *

_A/N 2: If you're interested, the 'fake boyfriend' practical joke that Dave mentioned can be found in 'An Unconventional Family,' chapters 26-28._


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is owned by CBS. I own nothing but my imagination.

The April Fool-Chapter 2

**~Thanks for all of the great reviews!**

**~If you follow my other big story, 'Happily Ever After?' there may not be another update for a little while. Like I said in the A/N yesterday, I have a giant paper due by the end of the day tomorrow and then I'm leaving for vacation on Saturday. While I'll have my laptop with me, I don't know how much I'll get written. **

* * *

As he heard his daughter start her car and pull out of the garage, Dave breathed a sigh of relief. While he didn't quite believe her promise to end the pranks, at least she was out of the house and she couldn't pull anything on him when she wasn't there. This thought was running through his head as he poured himself a large cup of coffee. While reaching for his box of Grape Nuts cereal, he took a large drink of the fortifying brew and immediately knew that something was horribly wrong. Normally Abby made the best coffee he'd ever tasted, it came from working as a barista at a coffee shop for two years, but today the coffee was subpar at best. He set the box of cereal down on the counter and he took another gulp of coffee, still trying to figure out what was wrong with it and then it hit him, it was decaf! Dave would tolerate a lot of things from his daughter; loud music, swearing, sassing, but this was nearly unforgivable! Everyone who knew him knew not to approach him until he'd had his morning caffeine! As he poured the horrible liquid into the sink, he wished his daughter was still there so he could tell her exactly what he thought of this latest prank!

Taking a deep and calming breath, he washed out the coffee pot and then reached into the cabinet above him for the package of normal coffee, but his hand hit air. Looking up, he saw that the coffee that was normally there was gone, leaving an empty hole in its place. 'Oh, she's playing dirty now,' he thought as he made plans to stop at Starbucks on his way to work. Screwing with his bathroom stuff was one thing, but messing with his precious coffee? That was a whole new can of worms and he intended to make his feelings known about it later that night.

Sighing, he grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and began pouring his cereal into it as he glanced at the newspaper headlines. Once finished, he got the milk from the fridge and was about to pour it over the food when he realized the bowl was filled with his daughter's brightly colored, sugary cereal. With a frown, he wondered if he had taken the wrong box, but no, the sugar laden food was coming out of his Grape Nuts box. Realizing his daughter had switched the cereal inside of the box; he dumped the food into the sink and then grabbed her box of Fruit Loops and began pouring it, expecting his Grape Nuts. Nope, a different kind of sugary cereal came out, so he went to that box looking for his beloved Grape Nuts. When he poured the food from _that _box, yet another neon cereal came out.

"Fuck it!" He snarled and poured milk over the Fruit Loops; hell, his entire morning routine had been ruined, why not this?

After giving himself diabetes by eating a full bowl of his daughter's cereal, Dave put his coat on, grabbed his briefcase and made his way to the garage door. Without looking, he reached for his keys, which were always on the small table near the door, and felt something very cold. He looked down and saw that his car keys were sitting in the middle of a block of ice! Abby must've grabbed them as soon as he'd gotten home the previous night and frozen them! At least she had the courtesy to remove the electric key fob before doing so. He picked up the large, glass bowl of frozen water and wondered how in the hell he was going to get them free. Finally, he grabbed the bowl and made his way back to the kitchen sink. After clearing his wife's and daughter's breakfast dishes out of it, he stuck the bowl in it and turned the hot water on full force. Even though the hot water heater at the cabin was excellent, it took nearly ten minutes before he was able to loosen his keys enough to get them free.

xxxxxxxxxx

As he pulled into his parking space at the BAU, Dave exhaled in relief; he would be fairly safe from his daughter and her pranks in a secured building, wouldn't he? Hoping that was the case, Dave got out of his car, walked across the uncovered parking lot and into the building. He made his way up to the BAU and into the break room where he smelled the heavenly scent of freshly brewed coffee.

"Thank God," he breathed as he reached for his coffee mug; because of Abby's prank with his keys, he'd been late for work and unable to stop at Starbucks.

"Hi honey," JJ said coming into the room. Derek and Reid followed close behind her and also grabbed their coffee mugs.

"Humph," Dave responded grumpily.

"Bad morning?" She asked innocently. Dave snapped his head up from where he was stirring sugar into his coffee and looked at her.

"You were in on it!" He accused, seeing the humor in her eyes. To his surprise, she shook her head.

"I was not," she denied.

"Then how come nothing happened to _you_ this morning?" He asked suspiciously. "You used the toilet and bathroom sink before me, yet you didn't encounter the saran wrap or duct tape."

JJ thought of every sad thing that had ever happened in her life in order to stop the large smile from overtaking her face, but it didn't work. "I wasn't in on them, but Abby warned me ahead of time," she admitted.

"And you didn't think to tell me?"

"Nope," his wife responded, shaking her blonde head.

"Why not?" He asked, nearly whining.

"Because you sounded _so_ smug the other day. 'Many people have tried to trick David Rossi, but few have succeeded.' Did you really expect our daughter to let that challenge pass?" She asked.

Dave sighed, "Fine, but there had better not be any more when I get home tonight."

"I'm sure there won't be, honey," JJ said, not even bothering to hide the condescension in her voice.

Rossi just shook his head and took a large draw of coffee from his mug. As soon as the brew hit his tongue, his eyes bulged out and he ran to the sink and spit it out.

"What is it, Dave? Too hot?" JJ asked, concerned at her husband's reaction.

He shook his head, "No, it's too salty!" He was about to lay into his wife for her practical joke, when the youngest member of the team burst into laughter.

"I got you good, Rossi!" He cackled. "I put salt in the sugar container when I first got here and you're the first person to use it!" Upon seeing the older profiler's face turn as close to murderous as he had ever seen it, Reid dialed down his enthusiasm. "Um, sorry sir…why don't I run to Starbucks and pick you up some good coffee?"

"That would be great, Reid," Dave said through clenched teeth. The newest practical joke, combined with Morgan's obnoxious laughter, had him nearly seeing red and he knew he needed to escape to his office. Leaving his wife and Derek in the break room, both still laughing, he cut through the bullpen and up the metal stairs. All he wanted to do was get settled behind his back and lose himself in consults for the rest of the morning, but as he opened his office door, he knew escape was not in the cards for him.

"Sweet Jesus," he breathed as he stepped into the room. Everything, and he meant _everything _in his office had been turned upside down, including his desk, his couch and the two chairs in front of his desk. The only furniture that was still upright were his bookshelves, but all of the books in the shelves had been turned upside down.

Not only was his furniture turned upside down, everything that was in or on the items was also upside down. Everything from the top of his desk had been set on the now overturned bottom of his desk and it was all in the same place as it had been when it was on the desk top. Plus, all of the knick-knacks that were on various surfaces had been put upside down and all of the artwork on his walls were upside down. In fact, the only thing that was right side up in his office, besides him, was a framed picture of Abby that sat in its rightful place on his bookshelf.

"How in the hell did she-" his spoken thought was interrupted by his best friend and Unit Chief.

"Problems this morning, Dave?" He asked dryly as he took a sip of his coffee, his no doubt _salt-free_ coffee.

"You!" He accused, pointing at the man, "You helped her do this!"

"Me?" Hotch asked innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about; I was at the movies with Jack last night," he said, pulling a ticket stub out of his wallet as proof.

"But you're the only person who has access to my office, other than the janitorial staff and I know they wouldn't cross me," Dave said, confused as to how his daughter had gotten into his office. She told him she needed to work late at the library last night and he'd fallen for it since she had done the same thing many times in the past. As he looked around his office, he uneasily wondered how many times she'd used that excuse and had done something else instead. He shook that disquieting thought from his head and tried to focus on the issue at hand.

"There's one other person who has access to your office," Hotch told him as his lips quirked up into smile.

"Who?" Dave asked, racking his brain.

"Strauss," Hotch replied, his smile growing.

Dave narrowed his eyes, walked to the window and looked out across the bullpen. There was Strauss, sitting in the break room and grinning up at his office. "I'm gonna kill them both," he growled.

"Take a joke, Rossi," Hotch told him. "Besides, from what I heard, you pretty much _dared_ Abby to do this to you."

"How in the hell was I supposed to know that she would go to this extreme to get back at me? I'm a fairly new father, for Christ's sake!"

"Well, welcome to the joys of parenthood, old friend," Hotch said, clapping him on the back. "It only gets better from here."

As his friend openly gloated at him, Dave shuddered as he wondered how the rest of his day would go.

xxxxxxxxxx

Eight hours later, JJ looked up from her desk to find her husband standing in the doorway to her office. "How was your day?" She asked sympathetically. Due to numerous meetings, she hadn't seen him since the break room that morning, but she'd heard tales of of the his legendary bad mood.

"Our daughter is exhausting," he said as he sat down hard onto one of the chairs in front of her desk; her right side up desk, he might add. "Remind me to never piss her off again!"

"What else did she do?" JJ asked, once again fighting the urge to laugh out loud. Her daughter had told her about some of the pranks as a warning so she wouldn't be affected by them, but she didn't know about all of them.

"Let's see," Dave said, thinking back to his day. "It took me two hours to get my office back to normal and then, when I went to sit in my office chair, I learned she had messed with the adjustor on it. When I sat down, the thing would go as low as it could and when I got up, it would raise as high as it could. After another two hours of messing with the thing every time I moved, I finally realized she had tied the latch down."

JJ laughed and got a glare in return. "What? You have to admit that's pretty clever," she told him and he grudgingly nodded.

"Then, when I went to write up some cases, I found that none of my pens worked even though they all still had ink in them. She put clear nail polish over all of the pen tips! I had to borrow some remover from Garcia, who laughed just as hard as you want to over Abby's practical jokes, although it was a good thing I went to see her since she fixed my cell phone. Somehow, our daughter changed the language to Spanish and she set the ringtone to play the Mexican Hat Dance Song whenever it rang!"

Dave was right, JJ really _did_ want to laugh hysterically, but she knew that would not improve his mood. Instead she just took a sip of her coffee and waited for him to continue.

"Then," he said, "I had a meeting with the interns in my office this afternoon, at Hotch's insistence, and when I went to write on my white board none of the writing showed up. Somehow she made the board really, really slippery."

"Rain X," JJ replied. "My friends and I did that in college once when a professor pissed us off. Just leave a note for the maintenance staff to wash it tonight."

"I will, but I looked like an idiot in front of the interns, Jen," he whined.

"They'll get over it, honey," JJ soothed, still trying not to smile.

"Yeah, but I don't know if my pride will," he grumbled.

JJ glanced at the clock on her computer, "It's five-thirty Dave, why don't you head home? I have to finish up a few files, but I'll leave by six," she promised.

Rossi thought for a second and then nodded, "My day is pretty much shot anyway, so I might as well go and start dinner. Besides, it will give me a chance to have a few words with our daughter."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Criminal Minds is owned by CBS. I own nothing but my imagination.

April Fool-Chapter 3

**~I'm finally back! I didn't mean to let this sit for so long, but between my vacation and a bunch of family drama, I haven't had much time to write. **

**~Thanks to everyone who has reviewed this story! I haven't had time to respond to everyone personally, but reviews make my day!**

* * *

JJ walked her husband to the elevators and as soon as he was enclosed in one, she quickly made her way back to the BAU bullpen. "Come on, you guys don't want to miss this," she called out as she walked past her colleague's desks. She beelined it to the BAU conference room and took up position near the window; her daughter had called her for some assistance with this prank and she didn't want to miss it. Emily, Derek and Reid all entered soon after, along with Hotch, who had seen the group move to the room and wanted to know what was going on.

Garcia, whom JJ had called on her way into the conference room, entered and waited with the rest of them.

"What exactly are we looking at, JJ?" Derek asked. "As interesting as the parking lot is, I don't need to stare at it all day."

"Wait for it," she said, not taking her eyes off of the outdoor scenery. Less than five seconds later, they watched as Rossi entered the uncovered parking lot and made his way to his SUV. They saw him hit the button on his key fob to disarm the alarm unlock the door.

Dave, who was unaware that he had an audience, was thinking about the upcoming weekend and he got lost in his plans to take a mini-hunting trip to his tiny little cabin in the woods. He was so wrapped up in his plans that he didn't pay much attention as he unlocked and then opened his door.

"Son of a bitch!" He exclaimed as fully popped popcorn poured out of the driver's side door. It wasn't the only area of the car that had popcorn in it, the entire damn thing was filled to just under the windows! As he went around and opened the other three doors, popcorn poured out of them as well.

"How in the hell did she manage to do that?" Dave wondered out loud. His car should have been secure, seeing as it was parked in front of a heavily guarded federal building that was filled with investigators. He would've thought that _someone_ would have stopped her. As soon as that thought hit his mind, he knew she had to have had inside help with this prank and he guessed the help had come in the form of either his wife or unit chief.

That thought was put on hold as he crawled into his car and began scooping popcorn out of it. He thought it was a good idea at the time; since it was natural he figured the normal functions of the bio system would take care of his problem. What he didn't count on were the birds.

As soon as the popcorn hit the ground, it was as if some psychic, innate function had hit all of the birds within a twenty mile radius. Soon, Dave found himself in the middle of a fowl feeding feast! All types of birds had surrounded him and his car, including ducks, geese, pigeons and seagulls.

"Goddammit!" He shouted as he saw them flocking on and around his car; already he could see the bird droppings hit his nice, clean SUV. "Get out of here, you goddamn things!" He waved his arms and stamped his feet to try to get the birds to cease and desist. It was as if the birds, which normally would have flown away, realized they greatly outnumbered the crazy man and they held their ground, gorging on the unexpected food.

Dave, who had been standing next to his car during the great bird invasion, realized that if he continued to clean out his car in the open parking lot, it would only attract more of the flying nuisances, so he decided to retreat to a safer place. Making his way back to the driver's side door, he had to practically fight his way past a flock of nasty Canadian geese to get behind the wheel. Once he got in, he frowned, since his chair had been moved way back and reclined. He assumed Abby had done it when she put the hundred pounds of popcorn in his car, so he didn't give it much of a thought as he turned the engine over.

As soon as it started, the radio came on full blast, as did the air conditioner and windshield wipers. Cursing, he turned everything off and put the car in reverse. As he pulled out of his parking space, he again realized the mistake he made in issuing the ultimatum to his daughter regarding April Fool's pranks.

Inside the BAU conference room, the rest of Dave's team was nearly rolling on the floor in hysterics after witnessing both the prank Abby had pulled and Dave's resulting interaction with the large number of birds that had come to cash in on his downfall.

"Oh my God, did you see his face when he opened his door?" Garcia asked, wiping tears of mirth from her face.

"And then when the birds arrived?" Emily followed up. "It was like they were coming to inflict payback on him hunting their brethren for so many years!"

"I thought those Geese were going to attack him when he tried going past them!" Derek chortled.

Hotch just shook his head, "I always knew Abby had a sinister streak, but now I _really _know not to get on her bad side."

xxxxxxxxxx

As Dave pulled up to the cabin, he saw his daughter innocently reading on the front porch swing and he felt his frustration ratchet up a notch, but he really couldn't get too angry at her. After all, she was _his_ kid and it was in her genes to pull these kinds of shenanigans. When he stopped and thought about it for a moment, he realized that he had pulled _much _worse when he was her age, and he was slightly thankful that the pranks so far had been fairly tame. True, they were annoying and time consuming, and they'd made him paranoid as hell, but they hadn't caused any permanent damage or injury.

He parked his car on the driveway, got out and slowly climbed the porch steps, his eyes in search of the next prank that would hit him. He made it to the top of the steps and sat down next to his daughter.

Abby, who had been engrossed in the book she was reading, looked up in surprise. Her surprised look turned slightly smug as she said, "Hi dad, how was your day?"

He shook his head and glared at her, "How do you think it was? Jesus Abby, how in the hell did you manage to do all of that in a secured federal building?"

She tried feigning innocence. "What are you talking about?" Seeing her father's glare worsen, she decided to 'fess up. "Fine, it was all me and I had some inside help, but I won't tell you who it was."

"You don't have to, I can guess," Dave replied. "Were all of those pranks, plus the practical jokes before I left for work this morning, really necessary?"

Abby thought for a minute, "Probably not, but you pretty much _dared _me to pull them!"

"I know I did, and now I'm telling you I want them to stop. Now," he ordered but was not reassured when his daughter simply grinned and went back to her book.

"Great," he said with a sigh, "What do I have to look forward to tonight?" He asked, resigned to looking over his shoulder until the clock struck midnight.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, refusing to look up at him.

Dave just shook his head as he got up from the porch swing. He took two steps towards the front door before he felt his foot kick something. As soon as that thought registered in his mind, a large bucket that was positioned on one of the rafters tipped over and dumped its contents onto the legendary profiler.

He had been expecting water…hell, he'd been prepared for water, but the bucket didn't hold anything wet. Instead, a fine white powder sprinkled all over him. "What the hell?" He asked, confused. A few seconds later he was able to place the substance. "Flour?" He asked and Abby nodded.

"Much more original than water, don't you think?" She asked with a twinkle in her eye.

xxxxxxxxxx

The rest of the night went slowly for Dave. After he took a shower to get the flour off of him, flower which had pretty much turned to dough in his hair as soon as the water had hit it, he went downstairs and again sat with his daughter. Abby was surprised when he followed her when she got up and went into the cabin, but he told her that he wasn't taking any chances , that she wouldn't be out of his sight until the clock struck midnight.

Dave watched Abby like a hawk while she fixed dinner, making sure nothing 'extra' was added to his serving and then when JJ arrived home from work, he waited for the two of them to take the first bites of the food before he dared to eat any. After dinner, while the two women were still at the table with him, he got one of his chocolate Easter bunnies.

The chocolate bunnies were the favorite part of the Easter season for Dave. As he took the foil off of the sweet confection, he was transported back to his childhood, where the chocolate animals were an annual treat. As he took his first bite, which took the head off of the animal, he felt something thick drip down from the bunny and onto his chin. Frowning, he wiped his face with his hand and was surprised to see blood all over it.

"Jesus Christ!" He exclaimed, staring in horror at the sweet treat; a thick, red substance poured from the neck of the beheaded animal.

Abby, who hadn't witnessed the result of most of her pranks that day, was barely able to keep her laughter at bay. As it was, a large grin stretched across her face as she watched her dad's reaction. "Problem dad?" She asked in an innocent voice.

He turned and glared at her. "What in the hell did you do? It looks like I ate this thing while it was still alive!"

"Why do you think I had anything to do with it?" She asked and got a pointed look in return. "Okay," she admitted, "I dyed some karo syrup red and I poured it in through a small opening in the bottom of the bunny; the rabbit is hollow so the syrup filled it up nicely. Then I melted the chocolate closed and re-wrapped it."

"That's sick!" Dave practically shrieked. "You're twisted!" His words would have carried more meaning if his wife wasn't sitting next to him, laughing so hard she was crying.

"I think it's pretty clever," she said through her tears.

"Well I don't!" He exclaimed, "My plate looks like a fucking crime scene!" All that did was send his girls into louder gales of laughter while he just sat there and stewed.

After dinner, Dave didn't trust either of them, so he made sure they were all in the great room for the rest of the night. As he sat down on the sofa next to his wife, he picked up the remote control to turn on the television and was surprised when nothing happened. He shook the remote, as if that would help, and tried again. Still nothing.

"Come on," he moaned, "I just put fresh batteries in this thing!" He kept shaking it and hitting buttons, but nothing worked. Finally he examined the device and discovered a piece of black duct tape covering the sensor. "Nice," he said sarcastically as he shot his daughter a glare. Abby just smiled back at him and continued working on the homework she had spread out all over the other sofa.

Things went well for the next hour or so; Dave had found a movie on HBO that they could all agree on and both he and his wife really got into it while Abby worked on her school work. Then, without warning, the TV switched channels. That wouldn't have been so bad if the channel it changed to hadn't been MTV. Dave hated MTV with an unholy passion and if he had his way, he wouldn't get the channel at all.

"Dammit," he muttered, thinking he must have hit the remote by accident. He changed the channel back to HBO and resumed watching the movie. A minute later, the channel changed back to MTV.

"What the fuck is going on?" He said irritably as he changed the channel back. Less than ten seconds later, the television went to MTV again. "Goddammit Abby, enough is enough!" He said loudly as he switched the channel back to the movie.

"I'm not doing anything!" She protested, holding up her hands in innocence. Dave took a good look at her and realized she was just as surprised as he was by what was happening. His attention was pulled from his daughter as the TV changed, yet again, to the offensive music channel.

"This is ridiculous," he snarled, wondering if something was wrong with his beloved flat screen. He was just about to get up and check it when he got a glimpse of his wife's face; she looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh. Without warning, he yanked the quilt off of her lap and found a universal remote control in her hand. "It was YOU!" He accused.

JJ nodded as a huge guffaw of laughter escaped her. Soon after, Abby joined in and Dave looked between them, knowing he only had one option left. With a deft move of his hand, he turned off the TV altogether and announced, "Bedtime."

Abby glanced at the clock, "But it's only nine o'clock!"

"I don't care, is your homework finished?" She nodded, "Good, then we're all going to bed. I've had an exhausting day and I'm not up for any more pranks."

Knowing she'd given her dad a rough time that day, Abby reluctantly nodded and gathered up her schoolwork while he checked all of the locks. After that, the three of them went up the stairs and at the top, Abby headed for her bedroom like she normally did.

"Goodnight," she said.

"Uh-uh," her dad said, gripping her arm. "You're with us tonight."

"What?" She asked, surprised.

"The only way I'm going to get any rest between now and midnight is if I know you're not alone in your room plotting some last minute pranks. Your mom and I will wait in the hallway while you change into your pj's and then you're spending the night in our room."

"God dad, paranoid much?" She asked with a grin.

"Whatever lets me sleep tonight," he replied, nodding towards her bedroom door.

As they waited for her to change, JJ asked, "Is this really necessary, Dave?"

He glared at her, "Just for the record, I don't trust _you_ any more than I do _her_ right now. There is no _way_ our daughter could have gotten into the BAU _or _the parking lot without help!" His not-so-veiled accusations put a smile on JJ's lips and she didn't confirm or deny anything.

Once Abby was changed, she emerged from her bedroom and followed her parents into their bedroom. Dave and JJ took turns changing in the bathroom and during his turn, Dave insisted on carrying on a conversation with his girls through the bathroom door just to assure himself that they were still there and not plotting against him.

After he emerged from the bathroom, he moved to the bed and pulled down the bedspread and carefully checked the mattress. "Hmmm, I'm surprised you didn't short-sheet the bed," he said.

Abby shrugged, "That's a bit juvenile, don't you think?"

Dave just snorted and said, "In you go."

"What?" Abby replied, confused, "I thought I would just crash on the couch."

Dave shook his head as his wife got into her side of the bed, "Think again. I don't trust you any farther than I can throw you right now and the only way I'll get any peace tonight is if I know _exactly _where you are!"

"Fine," Abby said as she crawled into the middle of the large king-sized bed. Her dad got in after her and turned out the light. Since it was so early, she couldn't sleep and after half an hour of tossing and turning, she finally whispered to her mom, "Do you think he's asleep?" Plans for a few more mini-pranks danced in her head, but they stopped as she heard her father's voice from next to her.

"No, he's not asleep," he grumbled, "So don't try anything stupid."

"But I can't sleep," she whined.

Dave sighed, grabbed the functional remote off of his nightstand and handed it to her. "Here, watch whatever you want, but you're not leaving this bed until midnight."

After she turned on a South Park marathon, Dave almost let her leave the room, wondering if he'd prefer a few more pranks to the foul-mouthed, animated kids, but he knew it was worth it when he heard her breathing even out. Soon after, his wife joined her in slumber and Dave gently pried the remote from Abby's hand and turned on the History Channel, where he watched a documentary on World War II until the clock finally struck midnight. Breathing a sigh of relief, Dave finally let his eyes close, vowing that he would somehow get even with his daughter.

**The End**


End file.
